A Little Like Sushi

Life has been a series of ups and downs lately.  More downs than ups for the last few weeks I would say, and all resulting in a great deal of personal reflection, acceptance, and lots and lots of prayer.

I think I've learned a LOT about myself in the last month or so- about my resiliency, my stamina, my strengths, my weaknesses, and my flaws.  Above all else, I have been reminded in many many ways that I am simply human.  Not super-mom.  Not perfect.  Not innocent.  Not impeccable.

And, at the same time, I have been reminded that I am human.  I am loved.  I am cherished.  I am imperfect.  I am well-intentioned.  I am prideful.  I am overbearing.  I am honest.  I am learning (daily, if not every moment).  I am loving.  I am me.

I appreciate more than anything that I have been loved and supported through this entire process.  By kids who don't quite know or understand adult issues, but know that Momma need some extra loves and smiles right now.  By parents who are listening, and listening, and listening as I struggle through my uncertainty and my growing.  By a spouse who has held me tight, who has reminded me who I am, and who has pushed me to be more than who I was before.

And all of this, all that has gone on, has left me a little raw (you know, kinda like sushi?). 

Raw- a little tender to the touch...a little sensitive and a little over aware of all that is happening around me.  I'm seeing gremlins around every corner, in every conversation, in every e-mail.  And I've gotta get away from that.  I've gotta keep healing those wounds, grow some new skin, and take on the world again.

I've gotta get back to me, the person who loves her body enough to not fuel it on gummy bears and diet coke, who knows she really does need 8 hours of sleep everyday to do her best at her life, who calls the doctor to deal with the backache that just keeps growing, who prioritizes her life better.  So watch out world, cause I'm on my way back.  (but be kind, 'cause I'm kinda like sushi still, and I don't think it would take too much to send me back to where I've been).

"To act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
Micah 6:8

I'm gonna get started right now.  I'm closing my bag of gummy bears.  Closing up my e-mail in-box.  Heading to bed.  If I go to sleep right now, I won't get 8 hours, but I'll be close. 
Love you all.
C

Summer- Fabulous with a Side of Suck

So, summer has come and gone.... and there are so many awesome things that we did that I NEVER posted about (despite my best intentions and despite my best efforts).  Sometimes I wonder why I don't post more often, and I think one of the reasons is that I don't want my blog to just be about- "Check it out!  We did this!  We went there!  Aren't my kids amazing?!?  Aren't we having fun?  Isn't life cool?" 

Now, I will admit that I've done my share of posts on this here little blog that summed up to just about that (especially the amazing kid thing... I know, I know, but I think they are really cute!), but at the same time, I pride myself on writing about what is real, what is true... and not just spinning the happy stuff.  'Cause life isn't all pretty and it isn't all happy and sometimes life is really a struggle (and sometimes, just sometimes it is downright stinky). 

On the other hand, sometimes I feel like I share too much- and I'm sure there are folks out there reading saying, "Yep Carrie, you are the major source of TMI in my life!"  (and by the way, if that's you... you can stop reading at any time.... any time!)

So, in an effort to catch you all up...  It's the good, the bad and the ugly all rolled into one post with a few pictures thrown in to help capture the events....

Our summer was an amazing collection of fabulousness combined with just the right amount of suck (I have to stop here and apologize to my mother, who happens to hate it when we say that something sucks.  But, I think even my mom will have to agree that there was a strong suckiness factor that came into play this summer and will forgive me for the use of the word.)

We'll start with fabulous.  We accomplished almost everything that was on our Summer Fun '11 list (if you missed that, read here.) 

Hawaii was a vacation of a lifetime... I will never forget some of the moments from that trip.

 The Oasis was fun as always. 

Hanging out time with my kids was great- they are growing and changing so much and I just enjoy being with them.  Julia found a sense of calm this summer.  I don't know if it was snorkeling with the sea turtles or what, but she seems quieter in her soul.  I am hoping and praying that this peace lasts as we enter the chaos of the school year. 

 Colin, is just Colin.  Super chill.  Checking out life.  If anything, he got more verbal this summer... seriously... if he could tell a story in less than 10 minutes it would be a miracle. But, I know that the silent moments are coming.... so I'm enjoying all the words he has for me now.

Mr. Furedy and I got lots of time to reconnect this summer- and that was amazing as always.

 Nana and Papa were a huge part of our summer and again... memories have been made that will be with us always and forever.

On the other side of the equation (in case you missed it, this is where we transition to the suck factor), we have spent the summer watching Grandma Miriam's (GG to the kids) health decline drastically.  In addition, this means that Joe's mom Paulette has turned most of her life over to caring for her mother.  It's hard to watch Miriam- the lady that we know as being so intelligent, so savvy, so kind- deteriorate as the Alzheimers eats away at her brain.  And... hard to watch Paulette having to take on the parenting role for her mother.  When you care so much about two people.... just painful to watch the process unfold.

  (I love this photo of her and Fern because Miriam, in pink, is laughing...)

And, as many of you know (via my frequent Facebook posts) my dear friend Karen is currently battling breast cancer.  I had no idea before this all began just what a major role Karen has played in my life, and just how hard it is to watch someone you love so much go through something so difficult.  She is amazing.  Positive, upbeat and fighting with all her might.... and I am embarrassed because some days I just want to curl up in a ball and cry about the unfairness of it all.

There's more on the suck side that I can't share here, but I'll give the general categories of family discord and work issues that have weighed heavily on my mind and heart.  Seemed like I couldn't go anywhere or do much without these two issues rising up in my heart and my head and creating concern and a feeling of uneasiness.  And a couple of people- they know who they are (and I know that they are reading this) hurt me badly either through their actions or their inaction or both.  And we'll leave that right there for the time being....

I've prayed more this summer than I have in a very long time, and I've turned a lot of this over to God (or at least I've tried, but that whole surrender thing is a LOT harder that I ever dreamed it would be). 

And now, this season of life has come to an end- and we begin a new season.  I guess that's how life works, you go through seasons (that are just fabulous with a side of suck) and then that season is over.... only to be replaced by the next season.  Who knows what fall will bring?  I know in my heart some of the things that I am wishing for... and I've whispered those things in God's ear hoping, just hoping that he will hear my hopes and prayers- for my family, for my friends, for myself.

So... as we head off into this next season, marked as always by the start of school, let's pray and hope for as much fabulousness as we can all stand.  Here's my munchies on the very first day of this new season...

Love to you all-
C