Family...

Anybody who knows me, and knows me well (or even not so well) knows the high level of importance that I place on family relationships.  My husband is my best friend (in the whole wide world), and my kids are the center of my universe (and that is not an exaggeration).  My parents are involved in our daily lives (especially as part of the kid's lives).  Joe swears that one of the main reasons (besides his handsome face and his loving nature) that I fell in love with him is because of his large extended family (and he isn't wrong).

I remember when Joe and I first started dating.... he would invite me to family gatherings.  And I would be amazed (like open gaping mouth amazed) at the amount of people who would be there.  See, growing up, our family was pretty tiny.  Being in the military, we moved a lot, and didn't live near any of our extended family.  So, if we had a *family* birthday party, it was just that, our nuclear family.  5 people.  No criticism of that, we had a lot of fun as a five person family, and I remember my mom and dad going out of their way to make those family events very tradition filled and fun (if you aren't familiar with my love affair with traditions, you should read here).  But at the same time, it did not prepare me for what Joe called a 'family function'.  There would be aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents and friends and more and more and more.  Joe's family has been in Arizona for four generations... and most of his family has chosen to stay in Arizona... so when they get together, they *really* get together.  Even going to a 'nuclear' family birthday party for Joe included a lot of people- because his mom and dad were divorced and his mom remarried, resulting in a step-dad and half siblings.  And I loved it.  (Correction, I love it.)

Combine Joe's extended family here in the valley with the fact that my entire nuclear family is still here... and we end up with a LOT of family.  And it is awesome.  I love that my kiddos have had the opportunity to know their great-grandmother (especially now as her health is fading and I don't know how much longer she will be part of our lives).  I love the fact that Grandma and Nana know my kiddos.  They don't have to guess at what they would like for a birthday present... because they see them and interact with them enough to just know what is right.  I love the fact that my kiddos count their cousins as some of their best friends (not Cora Jane just yet, but once she gets a little older...)  I love the fact that when you look at our calendar each month, you see that it is filled to the brim with family gatherings, birthday parties, dinners together, helping each other move... all the stuff that you WANT to do for those you love.

Unfortunately (you knew there would be a downside to this post didn't you... couldn't you see it coming?), as much as I love the family that we have, as much as I cherish the relationships... it isn't always easy.  In fact, at times it is downright hard.  I'll say that it was harder when I was younger.  I was a total control freak (okay, still am, but I'm working on it...).  And control freak and LARGE family isn't always a good combination.  You don't always get your way.  You don't always get what you want.  You have to compromise (and there have been some ugly moments, most of which I own the responsibility for, but I've learned well how to apologize).  I will say having the kids has really mellowed me out about family... I think having kids just lowers your expectations about events and happenings.  You realize that it won't be perfect, so you learn to appreciate when it is just good.  But, sometimes, it just isn't good.  In fact, sometimes it is downright bad.

Joe and I are faced with a bad family situation right now.  I won't go into the gory details- that isn't the point.  However, we are in this situation (unfortunately).  We've tried.  We've really, really tried to fix it.  Gone above and beyond and out of our way to fix it.  We've soul searched.  We've tried to conform more to what we thought this person wanted.  But, despite lots and lots of time and effort (over many years), we are now faced with the fact that it isn't any better (like not even a smidge).  In fact it is worse.  It's to the point that it's hurting more than we can stand... and we are getting worried about how it is impacting our kids.  So, what to do?

What do you do when you've built your world, your existence, your kid's lives around the idea that FAMILY is what this life is all about?  And then part of that family (a part that just happens to have been very important to all of us) starts to damage your nuclear family.  What decisions do you make?  How do you move forward?  (I have to note here that this issue involves just a few people... and strangely enough, going through this experience has brought us even closer to other members of the family... so there is at least one bright spot in the middle of the darkness.)

This is destroying me.  I want so badly to fix this, to fix this part of our family, to fix something that I cannot fix.  And my husband, (that dear sweet guy I started this post by talking about?), yeah, he's hurting too... a lot.  And I can't fix that either- which probably upsets me more than anything else.

So for now, I'll go to bed and hope that somehow, somewhere an answer to this current conundrum will emerge- if you have insight for me.... it's so welcome right now my friends.

Good night...
C

PS  Julia just came downstairs to kiss me good night.  She commented "You've been blogging a lot in the last few days.  That's cool.  I'm glad."  Good to know even my kids have noticed that I've got my groove back.

Ch-ch-ch-changes....

Another school year has ended.  And as always, there are mixed emotions (at least for the momma.)  On one hand, I am looking forward to the summer (and since we left on a short trip to spend some time with the cousins, Poohbah and Grandma Sherry on Friday we've kicked immediatly into summer mode in a very quick fashion this year). 

It's odd.  I still work in the summer (I do work less, that is for sure, but 4 days a week I am still getting up and heading into the office).  Joe works his regular schedule in the summer.  So, life changes, but at the same time it doesn't.  Regardless, summer brings about a whole change of attitude in the Furedy home.  We are more relaxed, mellow- life runs at such a different pace.  We love it.  All of us.  And we know it's fleeting, which I think makes us all cherish it just a little bit more.  I love it when I tuck my kids in on summer nights and they smell of sunscreen & chlorine & sunshine & watermelon... and that smell can just make me pause.  (a company should really try to capture that smell in a perfume, because I do believe they would make a million dollars) 

On the flip side, we do mourn just a little bit at the end of the school year.  The kids know that we are heading in to a summer where they won't see their friends very often.  We live SO far from school, and it really is a bummer for the kids (especially Julia who is getting to the age where friends are getting really important.)  The kids say good-bye to their teachers, which is always bittersweet.  This was especially hard for Julia this year because she had to say good-bye to Ms. Munzinger- her gifted teacher- who she has been with for the last two years.  Colin even had a hard time saying good-bye to his teacher this year... they had a really great relationship and I think he will really miss her.  There is also something about the structure of school that keeps us all moving- and sometimes- despite the joy of summer, we all (especially Julia and I) miss the routines of the school year.

But, such is the ebb and flow of our lives right now.... and I am trying hard to live in the moment and enjoy the right now... because as  I watch my kiddos I am only more and more aware of how fleeting these moments are... how quickly they are growning and how soon they will be gone.  If you think that isn't true... check out the photos below.  Here's a photo of my kiddos on the last day of school- last year compared to this year....

May, 2010

May 2011

Off to play some games, swim, pick Joshua Tree fruit (and avoid the horrific winds that have impeded our mini-vacation more than just a little bit)....  have a wonderful long weekend everyone, and here's to the best summer ever!

C

So, It's Been a Little While....

So, it's been a little while since I've been here.  (okay, maybe more than a *little* while, but hey, cut me some slack).  I'm not sure why I haven't written more in the last few months....  my typical mode is to write a lot when there is a lot going on.... and there has been a lot going on.  But for some reason, the mood to write really hasn't struck me lately. (And that is unusual for me... often times when I don't post I'm just too busy to post, but I'm constantly thinking 'ah... now that would be a good blog post.')  But for the last few months I haven't had even a desire to write... to the point that I was seriously thinking about closing up shop at this location.

But (as it always seems to happen) when I am ready to close down this little blog, retire the posts and close the comments section.... I get a little itch.  Just a little itch.  A need to write 'it' down.  Whether it be a good 'it' or a bad 'it' or a this is just how life is rolling 'it', I have the urge to come here and purge the thoughts out of my brain (be afraid folks, what cruises around my brain at any given time can be very frightening....  be afraid, be very afraid)  What's weird this time is that I don't have a post all ready to go... I don't have the specific 'it' that I want to write about, but at the same time there are lots of 'its' rolling around... some of which just aren't quite ready to make their way to the page and out for the public to read. 

I've been fairly public during the past few months about the ongoing struggles that I have had with the pain in my neck (and no, you smarty pants, I'm not talking about a hypothetical pain in my neck, but the very literal pain that I have had in my neck and my back).  I will not bore you with all of the details, but after several months of seeking relief, I believe that I am finally on my way to being pain free.

The lessons learned from this experience are:

1.  Despite the fact that I am very proud of the fact that I gave birth to my two children naturally and without drugs, this accomplishment pales in comparison to the folks who live with chronic pain each day, and I promise to *never* reference this little accomplishment when someone talks about being in pain *ever again*.

2.  When your gut tells you that you need to get a second opinion when it comes to taking care of your health, go with your gut.  Even if your gut isn't telling you this, but someone close to you (or multiple someones- hey, I *never* said I wasn't stubborn) is telling you this... listen.  Seeking a new doctor resulted in some fast action and much desired relief (that probably could have come a lot earlier and with a lot less drama). 

3.  Your friends and your family is what this life is really about.  Not work, or money, or anything else.  Family and friends.  Friends and family.  Awesome.  No more words for this topic.


I think I'll wrap this up for the evening.  But, I will say that coming back here feels good, so I think I'll give it a try again.  As I mentioned, there are lots of little thoughts, little 'its' ready to wander right from the strange pathways in my brain to my little fingers and out onto this here little blog.  Hope you'll come back and visit again...

And for now, off for an evening swim with my two lovebugs... can't believe it's the last Sunday of the school year.  Guess that might be the next little 'it' to talk about...

Night.
C