Columbine

It's odd how every once in awhile a topic will keep creeping into your life in various ways, at various times, in a way really forcing you to think more about it....

The Columbine 'thing' started with a book that I picked up at the library. I am a HUGE fan of Wally Lamb (I Know this Much is True, She's Come Undone) so when I was at the library a few weeks ago, I saw his name on the new titles table and I had to check it out. Truthfully didn't look at anything past the fact that it was a Wally Lamb book. I brought it home and started reading right away. The Hour I First Believed is the compelling story of a husband and wife- he's a teacher and she's the school nurse at Columbine High School. The book begins by describing some of the marital issues that have brought them to Littleton, and then Caelum's (the husband) aunt dies, and he travels to his childhood home to make funeral arrangements. While he is back in his hometown, the shootings occur at Columbine. He has no idea if his wife Maureen has survived. He quickly returns to Littleton to discover that she did survive, but that she was trapped in a cabinet in the library (the deadliest location in the school) for over 8 hours. I will leave the rest of the plot to those who care to take on this 752 page book... and I'll simply add that it was an EXCELLENT read.

About the time that I started reading this novel, Ben Monrad at work passed around cards for his theatre company's latest production- ColumbineUS. Ben is a founding member of the Stray Cat Theatre company and is currently the managing director and treasurer for this group. I had never actually seen one of their plays, but the girls in technology always make a point of going when they have a new production. I decided after reading the description that this was one play I wanted to see and made plans with Michelle and Jacinta to check it out... we hit The House of Tricks beforehand for dinner, and then headed over to the play. This play was AMAZING. It hit a chord so deep within my soul... I was speechless when it was over. Speechless. So were Michelle and Jacinta. And seriously- if you can render the three of us speechless.... Anyway, this play followed 8 high school students (a freak, a loner, a jock, a 'perfect', a religion fanatic, a brainiac, a preppy and a rebel) through an average day of school. Yep, they reminded us all of our high school days- and not in a good way... Two of these characters (the freak and the loner) turn out to be Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. As the play moves on, the actors take you through the last few days before Columbine and even what happened within the school. They actually play a 911 tape of one of the teachers calling for help- and that hit WAY too close to home.

All of this occurred during the blitz of media coverage about the 10 anniversary of the shootings at Columine as well (I'm sure the book and the play were both timed carefully) so for about two weeks it felt like I couldn't go ANYWHERE without hearing about this tragedy.

So that led me to question- what do I think about what happened in Littleton, Colorado on Tuesday, April 20, 1999? To answer that I needed more information so I started reading and reading and reading some more. I've read posts from victim's families, posts from the conspiracy theorists who believe there was AT LEAST one more shooter, news reports, a timeline of events... I've read everything that I can find. I've read about the memorial services, about the crosses that were taken down, the trees that were cut down, I've read that many feel this community still has not healed. I've read what Dylan and Eric's families have said and written. I've read what the teachers have had to say.

What I didn't know- Dylan and Eric had been in trouble- big trouble- for months before the killings. They created hundreds of bombs- most of which failed on the actual day. The shots were fired in a 50 minute period of time. It took WAY TOO LONG for the police to intervene in this situation. The amount of rumor and untruths around the events of the day is huge. Eric and Dylan were very different people- with different issues and different emotions about what was happening.

What I still don't know or understand- Was the level of bullying SO significant that it pushed these boys over the edge, or were they simply psychotic killers-so that what happened in their environment didn't really matter? Is gun control the answer? (I really don't think so- in fact I'm pretty sure not- but I can see how the nation came to view it that way.) How do we keep it from happening again? What do I, as an educator, need to watch for and be aware of in the kids that I work with? Is my district ready (can a place really be ready) to deal with a tragedy such as this one? How do I help me own kiddos deal with bullying/ teasing/ etc.- to be strong people in the face of adversity?

I'm going to keep reading- there are several books out there on this topic that I haven't gotten my hands on yet- but I don't know if I will ever find the answers to the questions that I have. I think that is why people are still struggling with healing from this tragic event- there just are NO answers.

So, this long, drawn out post that ends with more questions than answers is written in memory of: Rachel Scott, Richard Castaldo, Daniel Rohrbough, Sean Graves, Lance Kirklin, Michael Johnson, Mark Taylor, Anne-Marie Hochhalter, Brian Anderson, Patti Nielson, Stephanie Munson, and Dave Sanders.

Good night all- C

A Taste of Summer

Had a taste of summer this weekend, and I must admit... it tasted amazing...

See, I love summer. I know, sick right? I live in Arizona. It's like a million degrees outside here in the summer. You live in air conditioning- and have to go from your air conditioned house to your air conditioned car into the air conditioned school or mall or whatever other public place you are headed to on that particular day. When you go outside, even if it is just for a minute, you sweat like a pig. On those hottest days, you often defeat the point of taking a shower within minutes of getting out of the water. But, despite all of those downsides... I still love summer.

As many of you know, I work for a school district. Now, contrary to popular belief, opinion or whatever, in my position I do work twelve months a year. So, you can all stop your commentary about 'of course she loves summer because she doesn't work in the summer...' I do work in the summer. But, I will admit the pace and nature of my work in the summer changes drastically. See- us folks who work at the district office are driven by the needs of the folks at the school sites. This means that our phones ring frequently, our e-mail boxes are full and we head all over the place to attend meetings, provide support, and just generally serve the schools in anyway that we can. (I know there are some principal folks out there who will debate this sentence- arguing instead that we are simply creating hoops for the schools to jump through- but REALLY- we do serve the folks at the schools.) Once the kids go home, and summer officially arrives, everything about our work changes (this happens if you are a 12 month employee at a school site as well). My e-mail inbox goes from getting 200-300 e-mails a day to about 25. And often 5 or 6 of those are just me trying to arrange where we are eating lunch on that day. Principals still e-mail me, but they don't need an answer TODAY, they need an answer sometime this week. Teachers e-mail me with a question and then often forget what the question was by the time they get back to reading their e-mail. Teachers stop coming to the district office. Principals (after about the middle of June) stop coming to the district office. It gets very quiet, very slow, verrrryyyy relaxed. And I love it! For about 7 weeks, I can think at work. I can get ALL my work done at work without bringing anything home. I can simply breathe. Amazing.

Combine this relaxing work environment with the other joys of summer... and you have my favorite season.

Think about all the FOOD that we have in the summertime that just isn't available at other times of the year. My family LIVES on fruit and vegetables during this time. It's nothing for our entire dinner table to be covered with melon and grapes and asparagus and corn on the cob and all those other wonderful fresh fruits and vegetables that are SO yummy and SO good for our bodies. We grill all the time during the summer- lots of chicken breasts and flat iron steaks and other delightful taste sensations. Cap all of that wonderful food with an ice cold Corona or a Mike's Hard Berry (which for some reason I drink more of in the summertime)... and mmmm....

And then there are my kids. Arizona kids. Seriously. They get in the pool as soon as it isn't freezing and stay in it until the last of the warmth has faded away. They will do ANYTHING to be allowed to swim, so it's so easy to get them to clean up their toys or finish eating lunch. And I love to swim too (although I like to wait until the water is at least warm!) They love having time off of school. Although I'm still working most of the summer, they get to do fun and unusual things- Zoo Camp, Kids Club, and they get to spend a good chunk of time at Nana and Papa's house- which is pretty much the best place to be in the summertime. Here they are in their new swimsuits (and yes, I let Julia pick out JUST what she wanted...)


So, put all of that together and what do you get? A momma who is really relaxed. A momma who is really happy. A momma who can breathe more during this season than at any other time of the year.

So yeah. I love summer. Despite the Arizona heat.

And we got our first taste of summer this weekend. Kids got new swimsuits and went to bed smelling sweetly of sunscreen and chlorine. Momma swam and enjoyed one of those lovely beverages. We didn't quite get to the table filled with fresh fruits and veggies, but it's coming. And no, school isn't over just yet. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And I can't wait......
C

Prayer of Thanksgiving

Many of you know that it's been a tough week for me. I found solace in this prayer from Dan Neville's celebration of life...

Help us to see, O God,
that what we love becomes a part of us
intertwined with our lives,
blended with mind and memory,
joined to our very souls.

So strengthen us, O God,
in our continuing journey
that the good we knew,
the joy we felt,
the laughter we shared,
the love we received,
shall not only be alive in us,
but shared with those
whose sorrow is new
Amen

Talk to you all again soon.

Relay for Life

This will be a short entry this evening... but I don't want to go to bed without posting this...

For the last 4 years I have participated with folks from Kyrene de la Colina in Relay for Life. Relay is a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society. Teams raise funds and commit to having at least one member of the team walking during the entire Relay- which usually starts around 1 p.m. on a Saturday and lasts until about 8 a.m. on Sunday morning. Our team was formed following the death of a colleage and friend- Joyce Anderson. Joyce was diagnosed with lung cancer in August and passed away at the end of November. Our staff joined together to raise funds and to walk in Joyce's memory. That first relay was four years ago now...

I have to admit that Relay became for me, after that first time, more of a social gathering. It was an opportunity for me to get together with familiar faces who I didn't see that often and reconnect. I enjoyed the social aspect of it and at the same time felt like I was at least raising a little bit of money for a good cause.

This year's Relay is Saturday, April 18th. As always, I committed to walking with my Colina friends (even though that is Joe's birthday and I feel badly for leaving him alone that night!) months ago... and then put it out of my mind. It was something on my to do list- something I could deal with later.

And then, this Saturday, at sunrise, my friend Dan Neville passed away. Dan had been fighting cancer for over 5 years. I knew that his condition was deteriorating, reports were coming daily that he was not doing well... but still, when the call came Saturday that he was gone, I was not prepared. Not prepared to lose such a wonderful, honest, thoughtful, ethical, caring man. Not prepared to face the District Office without his smile, his voice, or his shock of white hair.

And suddenly, Relay became personal again. My focus changed from an opportunity to spend time with friends (which will still happen..) to a focus on beating this disease.
Please, will you support me in my efforts? I know that many of you may not be able to support our team financially, but I would sure love to have lots of thoughts and prayers with me this Saturday and Sunday as I walk in Dan's memory. I have hope that we will find a cure... and I do believe that each one of us can make a difference....

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY09National?px=4407356&pg=personal&fr_id=14853

Love to you all... Carrie

ER

I watched the finale of ER last week with a heavy heart and with tears in my eyes. That really just isn't like me, so I started thinking about why...

Over the years I've watched a lot of TV shows from start to finish- never missed an episode of 21 Jump Street in my teen years, saw EVERY episode of Beverly Hills 90210 ever created (at least twice), I haven't missed an episode of Lost yet, and I've seen every episode of Big Bang Theory too....

ER though, ER was special. Most people stopped watching it a few years ago, but I've continued to watch it, and I am sad to see it end. I had a real connection to that show for some reason- and I have a lot of memories tied around it.... maybe that's why I like it so much. Here's just a few of my life memories tied to ER....

ER premiered on September 19, 1994. Joe and I had gotten engaged about a month before that... and I remember sitting on my bed at my parent's house, flipping through bridal magazines and watching the first episode. I actually didn't watch most of that first season (this was pre-DVR and I was never really good at working the VCR to record shows...) because I was going to school, student teaching, working, and planning my wedding. The few episodes I did watch were following a car accident that November that totaled my car and put me out of commission for a few weeks. I spent most of that time in bed... and that's probably when I really started watching the show.

I watched ER through the first year of my marriage by myself. Joe was working and going to school- and he was pretty much never home when I was home. I was in my first year of teaching, and very lonely in my little apartment, so I spent every Thursday night with ER and a bowl of ice cream (and I wonder why I gained 15 pounds during my first year of marriage!).

From 1997-1999, I saw at least part of every episode of ER. I know this because these were the years that I spent EVERY Thursday night at school getting my Master's Degree. I would rush home from class, land in front of the TV, and watch ER with Joe. It was tradition- he would be waiting for me- usually with a bowl of ice cream (are we noticing a trend?)

My next ER memory was of an episode of ER that I DIDN'T get to watch. I had Julia on Thanksgiving Day of 2000- and ER always had great Thanksgiving episodes. I had been looking forward to seeing that one, but Julia had other ideas. And there just isn't TV watching when you are having a baby with no drugs! Anyway, I remember my mom coming into the room and telling me that Karen Schwartz and my dad were sitting in the waiting room watching ER together.

Starting in 2000, following Julia's birth, Thursday nights were really special. During these years I only worked part time (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday)- so Thursday night was my 'Friday night.' I remember celebrating the beginning of many a weekend with, what else? a bowl of ice cream and ER.

The next memory is when I was pregnant with Colin and in the hospital. I was only 26 weeks along, in labor, and scared. We'd had a long meeting with the neonatologist earlier that day who had told us that if they couldn't stop the labor, Colin had about a 50% chance of survival- and that I needed to stay as still as possible, relax as much as possible, and hopefully let the drugs do their work. They had given Colin steroids to help speed the development of his lungs- and all we could do was wait and hope. Joe went home at some point to pick Julia up from my mom and dad's house and take her home to have some sense of normalcy to her routine. I laid in the bed, watched ER and prayed. It was one of the longest nights of my life. No ice cream that night, but I probably REALLY needed it!

Fast forward through the next few years... I remember sitting in the emergency room with Julia who had pneumonia, watching an ER rerun (I always thought it was ironic that they were showing ER reruns in the ER...). I remember sitting on the couch with Colin after he was stung by a scorpion watching ER and keeping him awake to make sure he was okay....

In the last few years, I've run MANY a mile on the treadmill while watching ER. Not as good as eating a bowl of ice cream while watching... but still good!

Needless to say, ER for some reason, is tied to a lot of very emotional moments in my life- some good- some bad. I think it's crazy that I have such a connection to a TV show- to be so upset about it ending... I mean it's just a show, with characters who aren't real... but for some reason my adult life has really been connected to this show. I went from being a kid to an adult to a parent while watching this TV show- and as the characters grew and changed, so did I.

Who knows what the next show will be and how it will connect to my life... but I can't wait to find out!

Have any of you had a connection like this to a TV show? I'd love to hear about it....

Mr. BigShot

Colin had a pretty exciting weekend...

It all started Friday night. After picking the kids up from school, running a quick errand AND cramming some dinner in them (Burger King- not anybody's favorite, but FAST and quick- so it met the criteria), we headed to Colin's first Karate Camp.

Colin's been going to Karate for about 8 months now. He seems to like it, and has been getting better and better. When they announced at the dojo (this is where he takes his Karate classes) that they were having a Spring Karate camp, I pretty much just ignored it, figuring he was too little. Then they announced that they really wanted everyone to attend Friday night- and they would greatly reduce the fee for the little kids to participate in just the Friday night class. I figured it couldn't hurt- and that Colin might really enjoy watching. He's learning a lot from his regular classes, so I didn't see how this longer class would be any different.

What I didn't know is what an AMAZING teacher Master Yaguchi (who was the leader of the camp) really is. This man was unbelievable. I think Colin learned more from him (and in very broken English, none the less...) in an hour and a half than he's learned in Karate so far. That's probably an exaggeration, but this man is one masterful teacher. My pics all turned out grainy (my camera DOES NOT like gyms or cafeterias- this is MCC by the way) but here's a photo of Colin. There were probably 120 people in this gym learning- from Master Yaguchi and from another guest Sensei Fields. Master Yaguchi spent this entire class with the beginngers- purple belt and below.
The weekend of excitement wasn't over though! Colin is a LEGO Brickmaster (this means he subscribes to their magazine- thanks Uncle Mike and Aunt Vanessa!). Several weeks ago we got a card in the mail saying that they were going to have a building event at the Chander Mall during the weekend of April 3rd. For three days, kids could come and help build a 9 foot tall pirate out of LEGOs. Colin was SO excited... he kept reminding me to put it on my calendar and not to forget.

So, Saturday we headed out to the Chandler mall, where Colin got his shot at building LEGOS with the professionals. It was really cool. They basically have all the kids build big bricks out of little LEGOs, which they then use just like one LEGO block to construct the big creation. The guys were great with Colin- I told them how much he had been looking forward to the whole thing and they spent a lot of time talking with him, and even let him hold the model they were using as the basis for the big creation.
Here he is building. He kept helping the poor lady standing next to him (who I have to believe had never handled a LEGO in her life. "First you put four in a line like this..."
The status of the pirate when we were there on Saturday. They had gotten pretty far....
Colin holding the scale model of the pirate. I wish my photo showed the three people standing around him making sure he didn't drop this thing....
Here are the guys trying to find LEGOs that could fill in for Colin's missing front teeth! So cute! Although Colin looks a bit freaked out in this photo! :)

Overall, a pretty good weekend for my little man. Karate and LEGOs- doesn't get much better than that!