Okay, so I know I haven't posted in forever- it's been a CRAZY summer. I promise a quick photo synopsis of the summer once Joe fixes the RAID drive that I store the photos on... until then you'll have to just settle for my ramblings once again...
Two warnings before you read this post.
1. This post may really be TMI for some of you. If you start to feel that way, stop reading. :)
2. I am on massive doses of hormones in preparation for the surgery I describe below. I seriously think that these drugs are messing with my ability to think rationally and process the things that are happening in my life!
I am having surgery on Tuesday. Nothing serious. Just trying to resolve some issues that I've been having lately. But, once the surgery is done, I will no longer be able to have children. Now, this should not sound like a big deal. My kiddos are now 6 and 8 years old, and Joe and I decided about two years ago that two children was likely the right number for us. I have such hard pregnancies (spent 4 weeks on bedrest to have Julia- who was almost 4 weeks premature- and 10 weeks on bedrest before having Colin), we both work full time, and we keep looking at the rising costs of college educations and other such things...
In fact, Joe even had surgery about a year ago that made this decision a permanent one. But, recently it has become clear that apparently, somewhere, in the back of my little head, I held onto the idea that I *could* still have children and if we for some reason changed our minds that we would find a way. However, after Tuesday, it's permanent. I will never have another baby. And as much as for the all the rational reasons that this is still the right decision... there is still just a little part of me that is sad. I am a little frustrated with myself over these emotions because it is not logical at all... but at the same time, I guess I should just deal with it so I can move on.... there are exciting times ahead of us for a family as Joe and I have the opportunity to watch our kids become young adults. And I know I can hang onto the dream of grandchildren someday- my parents sure seem to enjoy being Nana and Papa!
Have a great evening everyone...
Carrie
2 months ago
