Can Women Have It All?

For those of you who also follow me on Twitter and/ or Facebook, you know that I kept a close eye on my hours at work last week. I ended the week with a grand total of 57 hours worked in 5 days. It was a really rough week for my physically and a very hard week for my family... but in a way it was a great 'work' week. I wrapped up a couple of big projects, presented something I've been working on for quite awhile to the Governing Board, and was audited (successfully) by the ADE. And this got me thinking...

Three years ago I left the principalship over weeks like last week. I found that 50-60 hour weeks were the norm for that job, rather than the exception. And, I have to admit, my work life during that time was very rewarding in a lot of ways. I rode the 'high' when projects got completed, when we had a good outcome for a student, or when an evening event was successful. I rode the high of looking over a completed week and knowing just how much I had accomplished during that time at work. In a way, I think I also rode the high of just having the stamina to complete multiple weeks like that in a row.

On the flip side of that coin however, were a lot of lows. I had the low of really not being with my kids- of not knowing my kids as human beings. I had the low of watching other people (mainly my parents and Joe) take my kids places and do fun things with them because Mommy just wasn't available. I had the low of not talking to my husband about anything real or important for months at a time. I also had the low of never, ever exercising... and eating like complete and total crap (which, by the way, was a habit I returned to quickly during the chaos of last week). And finally, I had the low of just simply becoming a person that I didn't really like very much- a person who was very selfish and self-centered.

Now, I have a job that has very few highs- last week was a big exception on that front. For the most part I sit at a desk and push paper. I spend a lot of time balancing budgets and working with numbers (not a huge interest area for me) and I feel like I have VERY little impact on children or on families (which is why I got in this business in the first place). My current job deals a lot with the 'politics' of education. I guess the best way to say it is that my current job has lots of lows.

But my current life has LOTS of highs. It's a high knowing my kids and being a solid part of their daily routine. It's a high that most nights we eat a home cooked dinner together as a family. It's a high to sit and do homework with Colin and watch him learn to read- bit by bit. Taking Julia to choir and Colin to Karate and being part of their activities is a wonderful high. It's a high that Joe and I manage a date night at least once a month, and that we have time to spend together most nights. One of the best highs is that he's still awake when I get home, even when I have a late night, and I can cuddle up with him and fall asleep in his arms. My new body is a high too- it isn't perfect- but is much better than it used to be.

I know which set of highs I want. And I've made choices that support that set of highs, and clearly show my husband and my children their value in my world. I know that some day Julia and Colin will be grown up and won't need me the way that they do now. I am proud of the choices that I have made in my marriage, in my family, in my career and in my life.

But, now and then, I do miss the work high. Just a little bit... and during weeks like last week I see how quickly and easily I could get drawn back into the fast paced high that work could offer to me. Probably a grass is always greener on the other side type of situation, but...

When our mothers and fathers and society told us (girls) that we could have IT ALL... were they lying to us?