Family...

Anybody who knows me, and knows me well (or even not so well) knows the high level of importance that I place on family relationships.  My husband is my best friend (in the whole wide world), and my kids are the center of my universe (and that is not an exaggeration).  My parents are involved in our daily lives (especially as part of the kid's lives).  Joe swears that one of the main reasons (besides his handsome face and his loving nature) that I fell in love with him is because of his large extended family (and he isn't wrong).

I remember when Joe and I first started dating.... he would invite me to family gatherings.  And I would be amazed (like open gaping mouth amazed) at the amount of people who would be there.  See, growing up, our family was pretty tiny.  Being in the military, we moved a lot, and didn't live near any of our extended family.  So, if we had a *family* birthday party, it was just that, our nuclear family.  5 people.  No criticism of that, we had a lot of fun as a five person family, and I remember my mom and dad going out of their way to make those family events very tradition filled and fun (if you aren't familiar with my love affair with traditions, you should read here).  But at the same time, it did not prepare me for what Joe called a 'family function'.  There would be aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents and friends and more and more and more.  Joe's family has been in Arizona for four generations... and most of his family has chosen to stay in Arizona... so when they get together, they *really* get together.  Even going to a 'nuclear' family birthday party for Joe included a lot of people- because his mom and dad were divorced and his mom remarried, resulting in a step-dad and half siblings.  And I loved it.  (Correction, I love it.)

Combine Joe's extended family here in the valley with the fact that my entire nuclear family is still here... and we end up with a LOT of family.  And it is awesome.  I love that my kiddos have had the opportunity to know their great-grandmother (especially now as her health is fading and I don't know how much longer she will be part of our lives).  I love the fact that Grandma and Nana know my kiddos.  They don't have to guess at what they would like for a birthday present... because they see them and interact with them enough to just know what is right.  I love the fact that my kiddos count their cousins as some of their best friends (not Cora Jane just yet, but once she gets a little older...)  I love the fact that when you look at our calendar each month, you see that it is filled to the brim with family gatherings, birthday parties, dinners together, helping each other move... all the stuff that you WANT to do for those you love.

Unfortunately (you knew there would be a downside to this post didn't you... couldn't you see it coming?), as much as I love the family that we have, as much as I cherish the relationships... it isn't always easy.  In fact, at times it is downright hard.  I'll say that it was harder when I was younger.  I was a total control freak (okay, still am, but I'm working on it...).  And control freak and LARGE family isn't always a good combination.  You don't always get your way.  You don't always get what you want.  You have to compromise (and there have been some ugly moments, most of which I own the responsibility for, but I've learned well how to apologize).  I will say having the kids has really mellowed me out about family... I think having kids just lowers your expectations about events and happenings.  You realize that it won't be perfect, so you learn to appreciate when it is just good.  But, sometimes, it just isn't good.  In fact, sometimes it is downright bad.

Joe and I are faced with a bad family situation right now.  I won't go into the gory details- that isn't the point.  However, we are in this situation (unfortunately).  We've tried.  We've really, really tried to fix it.  Gone above and beyond and out of our way to fix it.  We've soul searched.  We've tried to conform more to what we thought this person wanted.  But, despite lots and lots of time and effort (over many years), we are now faced with the fact that it isn't any better (like not even a smidge).  In fact it is worse.  It's to the point that it's hurting more than we can stand... and we are getting worried about how it is impacting our kids.  So, what to do?

What do you do when you've built your world, your existence, your kid's lives around the idea that FAMILY is what this life is all about?  And then part of that family (a part that just happens to have been very important to all of us) starts to damage your nuclear family.  What decisions do you make?  How do you move forward?  (I have to note here that this issue involves just a few people... and strangely enough, going through this experience has brought us even closer to other members of the family... so there is at least one bright spot in the middle of the darkness.)

This is destroying me.  I want so badly to fix this, to fix this part of our family, to fix something that I cannot fix.  And my husband, (that dear sweet guy I started this post by talking about?), yeah, he's hurting too... a lot.  And I can't fix that either- which probably upsets me more than anything else.

So for now, I'll go to bed and hope that somehow, somewhere an answer to this current conundrum will emerge- if you have insight for me.... it's so welcome right now my friends.

Good night...
C

PS  Julia just came downstairs to kiss me good night.  She commented "You've been blogging a lot in the last few days.  That's cool.  I'm glad."  Good to know even my kids have noticed that I've got my groove back.

Ch-ch-ch-changes....

Another school year has ended.  And as always, there are mixed emotions (at least for the momma.)  On one hand, I am looking forward to the summer (and since we left on a short trip to spend some time with the cousins, Poohbah and Grandma Sherry on Friday we've kicked immediatly into summer mode in a very quick fashion this year). 

It's odd.  I still work in the summer (I do work less, that is for sure, but 4 days a week I am still getting up and heading into the office).  Joe works his regular schedule in the summer.  So, life changes, but at the same time it doesn't.  Regardless, summer brings about a whole change of attitude in the Furedy home.  We are more relaxed, mellow- life runs at such a different pace.  We love it.  All of us.  And we know it's fleeting, which I think makes us all cherish it just a little bit more.  I love it when I tuck my kids in on summer nights and they smell of sunscreen & chlorine & sunshine & watermelon... and that smell can just make me pause.  (a company should really try to capture that smell in a perfume, because I do believe they would make a million dollars) 

On the flip side, we do mourn just a little bit at the end of the school year.  The kids know that we are heading in to a summer where they won't see their friends very often.  We live SO far from school, and it really is a bummer for the kids (especially Julia who is getting to the age where friends are getting really important.)  The kids say good-bye to their teachers, which is always bittersweet.  This was especially hard for Julia this year because she had to say good-bye to Ms. Munzinger- her gifted teacher- who she has been with for the last two years.  Colin even had a hard time saying good-bye to his teacher this year... they had a really great relationship and I think he will really miss her.  There is also something about the structure of school that keeps us all moving- and sometimes- despite the joy of summer, we all (especially Julia and I) miss the routines of the school year.

But, such is the ebb and flow of our lives right now.... and I am trying hard to live in the moment and enjoy the right now... because as  I watch my kiddos I am only more and more aware of how fleeting these moments are... how quickly they are growning and how soon they will be gone.  If you think that isn't true... check out the photos below.  Here's a photo of my kiddos on the last day of school- last year compared to this year....

May, 2010

May 2011

Off to play some games, swim, pick Joshua Tree fruit (and avoid the horrific winds that have impeded our mini-vacation more than just a little bit)....  have a wonderful long weekend everyone, and here's to the best summer ever!

C

So, It's Been a Little While....

So, it's been a little while since I've been here.  (okay, maybe more than a *little* while, but hey, cut me some slack).  I'm not sure why I haven't written more in the last few months....  my typical mode is to write a lot when there is a lot going on.... and there has been a lot going on.  But for some reason, the mood to write really hasn't struck me lately. (And that is unusual for me... often times when I don't post I'm just too busy to post, but I'm constantly thinking 'ah... now that would be a good blog post.')  But for the last few months I haven't had even a desire to write... to the point that I was seriously thinking about closing up shop at this location.

But (as it always seems to happen) when I am ready to close down this little blog, retire the posts and close the comments section.... I get a little itch.  Just a little itch.  A need to write 'it' down.  Whether it be a good 'it' or a bad 'it' or a this is just how life is rolling 'it', I have the urge to come here and purge the thoughts out of my brain (be afraid folks, what cruises around my brain at any given time can be very frightening....  be afraid, be very afraid)  What's weird this time is that I don't have a post all ready to go... I don't have the specific 'it' that I want to write about, but at the same time there are lots of 'its' rolling around... some of which just aren't quite ready to make their way to the page and out for the public to read. 

I've been fairly public during the past few months about the ongoing struggles that I have had with the pain in my neck (and no, you smarty pants, I'm not talking about a hypothetical pain in my neck, but the very literal pain that I have had in my neck and my back).  I will not bore you with all of the details, but after several months of seeking relief, I believe that I am finally on my way to being pain free.

The lessons learned from this experience are:

1.  Despite the fact that I am very proud of the fact that I gave birth to my two children naturally and without drugs, this accomplishment pales in comparison to the folks who live with chronic pain each day, and I promise to *never* reference this little accomplishment when someone talks about being in pain *ever again*.

2.  When your gut tells you that you need to get a second opinion when it comes to taking care of your health, go with your gut.  Even if your gut isn't telling you this, but someone close to you (or multiple someones- hey, I *never* said I wasn't stubborn) is telling you this... listen.  Seeking a new doctor resulted in some fast action and much desired relief (that probably could have come a lot earlier and with a lot less drama). 

3.  Your friends and your family is what this life is really about.  Not work, or money, or anything else.  Family and friends.  Friends and family.  Awesome.  No more words for this topic.


I think I'll wrap this up for the evening.  But, I will say that coming back here feels good, so I think I'll give it a try again.  As I mentioned, there are lots of little thoughts, little 'its' ready to wander right from the strange pathways in my brain to my little fingers and out onto this here little blog.  Hope you'll come back and visit again...

And for now, off for an evening swim with my two lovebugs... can't believe it's the last Sunday of the school year.  Guess that might be the next little 'it' to talk about...

Night.
C

For All Who Have Loved....

I am currently sitting in the Denver airport with my brother Andrew killing time (also known as playing on our laptops- well, I'm playing, I think he is actually being productive) until our flight leaves to bring us home to Phoenix.  We are on the downside of a whirlwind trip to Leadville, Colorado- a rather unscheduled and unplanned trip to our 'unofficial' hometown to attend our aunt's funeral.  My Aunt Martie passed away earlier this week after a massive heart attack (there will be more about this soon... we all need to be so much more aware of how heart attacks present differently in women than in men).  Words just can not capture the emotions that have flowed through our family during the past few weeks....

I've tried and tried to write something here that feels right- that captures who Martie was to me, to my mom, to her children and to her grandchildren, but I can't find the right words.  She was only 54 years old.  And that is just not old enough.  Period.  She wasn't done here on Earth- she wasn't done being a mom, a grandma, a sister or a friend.  And to think of her kids living the rest of their lives without their mom... to think of her grandchildren growing up without her being part of their lives- it is incomprehensible.   (And truthfully, I think this is where it really eats at me... to think of Julia and Colin losing either their Nana or their Grandma at this point.in their lives.. I can't even fathom it).  I know there is a method to this madness- that there is a reason for all that happens in this world- but I am really seeking to understand those reasons right now.  I know that the impact of Martie's passing will ripple through our family for years to come- she will be missed by so many. 

My heart breaks for Nick and Emily (her children)  and for my mom and dad.  For all who knew and loved her, who held her dear, who laughed and cried and yelled and smiled with her. For all whose lives she touched (and that number is many).  Martie.. You will be missed.

So, with that I will end.  Not a lot of words, but words that mean a whole lot. 
Night all-
C

P.S.  I really can't end this post without saying how much I love and appreciate my brother (who flew on this trip so that I could travel despite my ongoing health issues), my mom and dad (who had to drive the pass TWICE at night and through ice to come to the airport to pick us up AND who had to listen to my craziness for the last few days), my friend Karen (who despite some reservations, took me to get an epidural under general anesthesia AND then put me on an airplane just 3 hours later), my mother-in-law Paulette (who took over Julia and Colin care when neither Joe or I could be there), my friends (who have prayed and listened and just been my friends during the past month) and finally, Mr. Furedy (who just as always is there for me- always, always, always in every possible way).  I am so very blessed.  Very very blessed.

Second Christmas

Some of you may be familiar with the little tradition that we have among the Furedy/ Singer/ Woodard clan that we lovingly call... Second Christmas.

Second Christmas began about 6 years ago or so, when our collaborative clan started getting so large that Christmas shopping began in June and consumed at least one entire paycheck during the month of December (you think I am exaggerating, but seriously, NOT EXAGGERATING).  The entire group got together and discussed what we could do to alleviate the shopping and budgetary strain (bet you wish you could have been a fly on the wall during THAT conversation).  A couple of key ideas emerged from our talk that day... we decided that kids should all get gifts, but that the adults would draw names.... and that one of the key things that we all wanted most was to spend more time together.  And we REALLY wanted to spend time together- away from the day to day routine of life in Phoenix/ Tucson (again, not sure what we were thinking at the time...). As one-quarter of the group is always gone for several weeks in December (the Furedy/Singer clan always heads back East to hang with Paige's family over the holidays) we also needed to find a time after Christmas that would work for us all to have an extended period of time together.

So, each year since, we have gone on a trip together over the long weekend in January that includes the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday.  This allows us to have a Friday evening through Monday afternoon extended weekend (enough time to enjoy each other, but not get on each others nerves... at least not too much).

Year One we all stayed in a hotel, with Grandma Paulette and Grandpa Steve's timeshare as our 'home base'.  This was a nice first attempt, but resulted in a difficult weekend of trying to figure out who was where and what we were doing and when-  all conducted by cell phone because we weren't in the same place (yep, not fun).  We were also forced into eating every meal in a restaurant (and since Colin was a toddler at the time also means that I don't think I sat down to eat a meal even once while we were there).

Here's a picture of Vanessa helping Julia try on her flower girl dress for her wedding
(which would take place the following Spring)
during our inaugural 2nd Christmas...

Year Two upgraded to a bed and breakfast in Tucson- we ended up renting out the entire place.  What can I say about that trip other than... yeah... bed and breakfasts are NOT made for groups of our size and makeup.  I think the owners about had a heart attack before the weekend was over because we (hold on to your hats folks) used their kitchen to fix a dessert.   They were also stressed out by our kids the entire weekend (and if our really well-behaved kids stress you out, well... you just might have a problem). We were also still tied to a lot of restaurant eating...

Here's Joe, Paige and Gundry enjoying our snow hike on Mt. Lemmon during Year Two....

Year Three upgraded us to renting a house in Flagstaff, which we have done every year since.  I won't say that this has been without it's share of issues (and family disagreements and one major all out family war that I am still not sure that we've ever totally recovered from..) but over all, the house rental has been a successful approach that allows us to spend time together, cook our own meals, play endless board games and of course celebrate Christmas (yep, the whole thing, a tree, and presents and all). 

Here are a few photos of our rather enjoyable 2nd Christmas of 2011.... (here I will apologize in advance for the lack of photos of Aunt Bic, Great Grandma Miriam (GG) and of course Joe, plus limited representation of Jason and Mike... not sure why, but they seem to be lacking in my photos.  We do LOVE you guys...)

The house... a delightful rental from VRBO...

 

Let the Second Christmas Begin......

 

Grandma Paulette and Grandpa Steve

G-man

Aunt Paige and her camera...

  

Aunt Vanessa and the best part of 2nd Christmas #6,

The addition of Cora to our family...

 

Miss Cora enjoying some blueberries... 

One of the best moments of the trip was getting to rock this little one to sleep.  What fun....

 

Julia goofing around...

 

Celebrating Eric's birthday with apple pie 

and one rock awesome card...

Asher catching some air...

 

And of course, a rocking game of Pictionary...

 

It is a great tradition, and one that I hope we will enjoy for years to come.  Sounds like next year we will be checking out the Showlow area for a different house (Aunt Vanessa is already hunting for us...).  Despite the ups and downs and ins and outs of getting 17 people together for a weekend, it's a weekend that I wouldn't trade for the world (and I'm happy that my kids just take 2nd Christmas for granted... like everyone in the world celebrates Christmas all over again in January...).

Night all...

C

PS  10 days to go.  :)

I've Got the Blues.....

I have to admit, I haven't been writing cause I've been experiencing a grand 'ol case of the January blues.  Between my neck issue (Nope, not any better, despite toradol shot, despite tons of drugs, despite rest and NOT working out, not any better.  In fact, maybe worse as my hand continues to go numb, which makes typing and working and just in general being a human being slightly more difficult.  Okay, enough on that..) and the LOVELY cold that I've had for over two weeks (Thanks a whole lot to my nephew Gundry who lovingly shared with his Aunt Carrie.), and the normal it's January and we're back to work and we have bills to pay (new tires for my car, pay the deductible to fix the dent in the back of my car, Julia's braces, my medical bills which keep piling up) my mood has been, shall we say, less than wonderful.  My Twitter and Facebook posts sound like a medical journal... when I post at all (and yes, I know, I haven't been posting, I've been sparing you all my horrific negativity... you should be glad folks, very glad). 

However, this weekend, I decided to at least try to change my mood- by still relaxing and taking it easy, but at the same time attempting to get a few things done around here.. and it actually made me feel a bit better.  See, I worked on the taxes (and it looks like a refund will be coming to the Furedy home, which will be a welcome addition to the family checkbook), we lucked into a (slightly used but new to us) water heater thanks to an old high school friend on Facebook (which spares us the cost of buying a new one as ours has been acting a little out of sorts for the last few weeks), and I got started on getting my pictures organized again (which was a great reminder of all the fun times we've had in the last few months... life really is good.)  The kids also had an awesome weekend- Colin got to have a sleepover at a friend's house (which necessitated an afternoon nap today... which he chose to take with me... it's been a long time since I got to nap with my little man and it was awesome).  Julia had a night out with Momma, Daddy, Uncle Andrew and Aunt Stacy that involved at trip to the bookstore and a grown-up dinner at a sushi restaurant (she did awesome trying the sushi, but says it's just not for her...) which seems to have made her quite happy.

My goal for this week is to do some small posts that feature some of our 2011 adventures so far... 2nd Christmas in Flagstaff with the Woodard/ Furedy/ Singer clans AND the Chandler Children's Choir singing the National Anthem at the Phoenix Suns' Game. (I am really hoping I will be up to doing this.. you'll have to stay tuned in just to see...)

So, my mood is a bit better, my outlook a little sunnier, but my neck still hurts (guess I can't have everything..).  So, I'm off to my bed... with my pain pills in one hand and my heating pad in the other.  Catch you on the upside my friends. 
C

PS  First cortisone epidural in my neck is scheduled for Feb. 10th.  That's 11 days from now.  Doctor assures me that I will experience significant pain relief after this shot.  Can you all pray for me?  That I make it gracefully through the next 11 days AND that the pain relief is as significant as I have been promised?  It would be greatly appreciated my friends.

The Glass is Half-Full, Or Maybe More...

Those of you who follow my Tweets and Facebook posts know that for the last few weeks (make that 6, but hey, really who's counting?) I have struggled with neck and back pain.  It started with a stiff neck in November, which was quickly alleviated with some muscle relaxers, anti-inflammatories, and yes, those crazy pain pills (that I have indicated may have, just may have impacted some of my rational decision making).  It continued on in December with a stiff neck and pain that radiated through my shoulder and into my arm.  (more and better anti-inflammatories and BIGGER more potent pain pills).

After a trip to the doctor over break, a set of x-rays and a lovely MRI (who wouldn't love laying perfectly still in a tube with a plastic cover over your neck while someone makes the machine sound like is is self destructing around you for 40 minutes?), the cause of all the pain has been determined.

When the doctor called and left me a message with the news,  he actually said- 'This is not what I expected to find' (I think that is interesting.. don't know that I've ever had a doctor share news in quite that way). 

So.... I have osteoarthritis in my neck and spine. (Yep, like what a typical 60 year old would have).

It's funny, if you read here, I talk about the other typically age related disease that I suffer from... so I've started teasing Joe that he has a 37 year old wife in a 67 year old's body.....

Of course, Joe and I's questions started right away... how do I get rid of the pain that I'm having right now (WITHOUT the darn pain pills preferably since they make me loopy and make me feel really tired and I can't take them during the day and the pain is so bad by about 6 pm that I literally am incapable of making decisions), how do I keep the disease from progressing, what do I need to do on the preventative end, what does the future likely hold?

I talked with my doctor on Friday and got some answers- will see him again on Wednesday for more.  Here's the down and dirty...  I will be going to a Spine Center/ Pain Management Clinic later this month to try to get this current 'flare up' under control.  Other than that I need to:  eat healthy, exercise regularly, introduce yoga to my exercise routine, avoid stress, and take more vitamins (gee, that sounds like what I need to be doing anyway folks... sounds like what we ALL need to be doing).

I think the initial diagnosis really threw me for a loop, but after thinking about it for a few days... this is a piece of cake.  Gives me even more reason to take care of myself and my body.  So.. that glass isn't half-empty as I felt right after the first message from the doctor.  It is half full, well really, it's even more than that, I think it's like three-quarters full.

And as the Hunter S. Thompson says....

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in one pretty and well preserved piece, but to skid across the line broadside, thoroughly used up, worn out, shouting GERONIMO!

Have a great day folks...

C