Columbine

It's odd how every once in awhile a topic will keep creeping into your life in various ways, at various times, in a way really forcing you to think more about it....

The Columbine 'thing' started with a book that I picked up at the library. I am a HUGE fan of Wally Lamb (I Know this Much is True, She's Come Undone) so when I was at the library a few weeks ago, I saw his name on the new titles table and I had to check it out. Truthfully didn't look at anything past the fact that it was a Wally Lamb book. I brought it home and started reading right away. The Hour I First Believed is the compelling story of a husband and wife- he's a teacher and she's the school nurse at Columbine High School. The book begins by describing some of the marital issues that have brought them to Littleton, and then Caelum's (the husband) aunt dies, and he travels to his childhood home to make funeral arrangements. While he is back in his hometown, the shootings occur at Columbine. He has no idea if his wife Maureen has survived. He quickly returns to Littleton to discover that she did survive, but that she was trapped in a cabinet in the library (the deadliest location in the school) for over 8 hours. I will leave the rest of the plot to those who care to take on this 752 page book... and I'll simply add that it was an EXCELLENT read.

About the time that I started reading this novel, Ben Monrad at work passed around cards for his theatre company's latest production- ColumbineUS. Ben is a founding member of the Stray Cat Theatre company and is currently the managing director and treasurer for this group. I had never actually seen one of their plays, but the girls in technology always make a point of going when they have a new production. I decided after reading the description that this was one play I wanted to see and made plans with Michelle and Jacinta to check it out... we hit The House of Tricks beforehand for dinner, and then headed over to the play. This play was AMAZING. It hit a chord so deep within my soul... I was speechless when it was over. Speechless. So were Michelle and Jacinta. And seriously- if you can render the three of us speechless.... Anyway, this play followed 8 high school students (a freak, a loner, a jock, a 'perfect', a religion fanatic, a brainiac, a preppy and a rebel) through an average day of school. Yep, they reminded us all of our high school days- and not in a good way... Two of these characters (the freak and the loner) turn out to be Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. As the play moves on, the actors take you through the last few days before Columbine and even what happened within the school. They actually play a 911 tape of one of the teachers calling for help- and that hit WAY too close to home.

All of this occurred during the blitz of media coverage about the 10 anniversary of the shootings at Columine as well (I'm sure the book and the play were both timed carefully) so for about two weeks it felt like I couldn't go ANYWHERE without hearing about this tragedy.

So that led me to question- what do I think about what happened in Littleton, Colorado on Tuesday, April 20, 1999? To answer that I needed more information so I started reading and reading and reading some more. I've read posts from victim's families, posts from the conspiracy theorists who believe there was AT LEAST one more shooter, news reports, a timeline of events... I've read everything that I can find. I've read about the memorial services, about the crosses that were taken down, the trees that were cut down, I've read that many feel this community still has not healed. I've read what Dylan and Eric's families have said and written. I've read what the teachers have had to say.

What I didn't know- Dylan and Eric had been in trouble- big trouble- for months before the killings. They created hundreds of bombs- most of which failed on the actual day. The shots were fired in a 50 minute period of time. It took WAY TOO LONG for the police to intervene in this situation. The amount of rumor and untruths around the events of the day is huge. Eric and Dylan were very different people- with different issues and different emotions about what was happening.

What I still don't know or understand- Was the level of bullying SO significant that it pushed these boys over the edge, or were they simply psychotic killers-so that what happened in their environment didn't really matter? Is gun control the answer? (I really don't think so- in fact I'm pretty sure not- but I can see how the nation came to view it that way.) How do we keep it from happening again? What do I, as an educator, need to watch for and be aware of in the kids that I work with? Is my district ready (can a place really be ready) to deal with a tragedy such as this one? How do I help me own kiddos deal with bullying/ teasing/ etc.- to be strong people in the face of adversity?

I'm going to keep reading- there are several books out there on this topic that I haven't gotten my hands on yet- but I don't know if I will ever find the answers to the questions that I have. I think that is why people are still struggling with healing from this tragic event- there just are NO answers.

So, this long, drawn out post that ends with more questions than answers is written in memory of: Rachel Scott, Richard Castaldo, Daniel Rohrbough, Sean Graves, Lance Kirklin, Michael Johnson, Mark Taylor, Anne-Marie Hochhalter, Brian Anderson, Patti Nielson, Stephanie Munson, and Dave Sanders.

Good night all- C